when the doctor step in your office telling you will be fine then smile and make ajoke with you then go out to talk to your parents and family and you see thier faces close to tears but they are holding them so you wount worry......thats when you know it
when your boyfriend or girlfriend call and your mom answer them and tell them how are you and why you have missed school these days they will come the next day telling you that they cant deal with the pain and they are not strong enugh to take care of this and you need to break up thats when you know it
when you go to school and everyone look at you like aghost and act nice with you and start saying sorry if they have done anything yo hurt you in the past thats when you know it
when every stranger you see tell you look pale and you should eat thats when you know it
when you get out of the bathroom and stand infront of the mirror to do your hair that you took care for so long that long hair and you start doing it and it falls in your hand worrning you that it is coming thats when you know it
when you start asking yourslef what will happen to me and have i spend my life doing the right things and is there realy heaven and hell and which one iam going to is there realy abetter place up there and is there where iam going thats when you know it
when you look in the mirror and say thats not me iam more alife thats when you know it
when all your cusins come to see you from far away maybe you have never seen those cusins before and you hear thier kids saying why do we have to be here mom and their mom says its just aday we nedd to spend here she is dying anyway thats when you know it
when you start remmbering those boyfriends and girlfreinds you had in the past how they hurted you gave you good days and bad days happy days and sad days how they made you cry and made you feel sorry for yourself and start wishing you can just go back in time and just delete those memories thats when you know it
when you are at the hospital and the doctors tell you that you will be fine and you are astrong then he will talk to your parents outside your room and you see him shaking his head and saying sorry and you mom start crying while your dad is speachels while holding your mom and trying to be the strong member of the family thats when you know it
that you are going slowly and painfuly that you are falling in an ocean nobody of the one you love can get you out of that you are fainly have reached the limit or the finish line no more everything no more pain no more sadness no more guilt no more tears and also no more happy moments no more laughs no more fun no more friends no more love no more anything you loved and hated...
you will start thinking how to spend those last days maybe with your family or maybe with your friends should you have fun and do the things you always wished to do in your life but never got the chance or maybe spend them crying and saying why me god why me or maybe spend them prying for forgivnesse from the god for all those stupid mistakes you did in your life.....
becuase you are dying......
- Current Location:my hospital room
- Current Mood: tired